Welcome to Avenue Yu!
by Relick
Summary: When Koenma got out of college, he thought the rest would be simple. But boy was he wrong! Especially when he moves to Avenue Yu, a neighborhood where everyone hates their life. Chapter 3 "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" is up!
1. If You Were Gay

Relick: Konnichiwa, minna-san (Hello, everyone)! Re-chan here, with another one of my bizarre fics! I had gone to Broadway last month with my theater class and had the best New York experience of my 16-year life! I got to see Avenue Q, the most politically IN-correct show EVER! It was, in short, amazing.

Hiei: I don't see what's so great about it…

Kuwabara: Hiei's right, Re-chan. It WAS just a puppet show.

Relick: JUST a puppet show! Avenue Q was unlike any puppet show I've ever seen:big bursts of flames tower behind Relick:

Kuwabara:cowering behind: Hiei Ok, ok, Gomen ne…(Sorry)

Relick: all smiles: All is forgiven! Anyway, I decided to do a Yu Yu version of one of my favorite songs in the show. I also thought it'd be fun to poke fun at people who believe that Kurama is gay. No offense, guys, I just don't see it.

Kuwabara: And please don't just review as a chance to say otherwise.

Relick: Thanks Kuwa-chan! Oh and before I forget, I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Avenue Q. I wish I did though. I want a Kate Monster puppet!

**If You Were Gay **

**By**

**Robert Lopez and Jeff Marx**

**(With some character changes by Relick)**

Kurama:reading a book: Ahhh…An afternoon alone with my favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me. How can it get better than this?

Yusuke:comes in: Oh hi Kurama!

Kurama:annoyed: Hi Yusuke…

Yusuke: You'll never _guess_ what happened to me on the subway! This guy was _smiling_ at me and _talking_ to me!

Kurama: Yeah that's _very_ interesting…

Yusuke: And I think he was coming on to me! I think he might've thought I was _gay_.

Kurama:clears throat: W-well, why are you telling _me_ this? Why should I care? I don't care. What'd you have for lunch today?

Yusuke: Well, you don't have to get all _defensive_ about it, Kurama…

Kurama: I AM NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE! Why should I care about some gay guy you met? I am _trying_ to read!

Yusuke: Yeah, but Kurama. I think that maybe this is something that we should be able to talk about—

Kurama: Well I don't _want_ to talk about it Yusuke. This conversation is over!

Yusuke: But!

Kurama:sharply: OVER!

Yusuke: Well, okay…but just so you know….

:singing: If you were gay,

That'd be okay.

I mean cause hey!

I'd like you anyway!

And so you see,

If it were me,

I would feel free to say

That I was gay

(But I'm not gay)

Kurama: Yusuke, _please_, I am trying to read. :goes back to his book:

Yusuke:stares at him skeptically:

Kurama: What?

Yusuke:singing: If you were queer,

Kurama: Argh, Yusuke!

Yusuke: I'd still be here

Kurama: Yusuke, I'm trying to read this book.

Yusuke: Year after year

Kurama: Yusuke!

Yusuke: Because you're dear to me!

Kurama: ARGH!

Yusuke: And I know that you

Kurama: What?

Yusuke: Would accept me too

Kurama: I would?

Yusuke: If I told you today

Hey, guess what? I'm gay!

(But I'm not gay)

I'm happy, just being with you!

So what's it matter to me

What you do in bed with guys?

Kurama: Yusuke, that is _gross_!

Yusuke:speaking: No it's not!

:singing: If you were gay,

I'd shout HOORAY!

Kurama: I am _not_ listening:burying his face in his book:

Yusuke: And here I'd stay!

Kurama: LA LA LA LA LA!

Yusuke: But I wouldn't get in your way!

Kurama:horrified: AHHH!

Yusuke: You can count on me

To always be

Beside you every day

To tell you it's okay

You were just _born_ that way

And as they say,

It's in your DNA,

You're gay!

Kurama: I AM NOT GAY!

Yusuke:speaking: If you _were_ gay!

Kurama:slumps his head into the book, defeated:

Relick: Wow! That was fun. And so you all know, I have absolutely NO problem with gays or lesbians. Hell, my aunt is lesbian, and that doesn't stop her from being the best aunt ever! Love ya, Auntie Bonnie:hugs:

Hiei: Well…that was _mildly_ entertaining.

Kuwabara: Oh, drop the act Hiei! I saw you swaying your head to the music!

Hiei: Hn.

Relick: Eheheheh…oKAY…Till next time everyone!


	2. It Sucks to be Me

Relick: Hey everyone! Since I got such nice reviews from the readers, and didn't get any flames, I decided to turn this one shot into an Avenue Q/Yu Yu Hakusho crossover! Although, since I started with "If You Were Gay," the songs will be in the order that I write them rather than the order they come in the show. This time I'll be doing the opening number, "It Sucks To Be Me." And everyone's in this number, so I'm introducing the fic alone this time.

NOTES:

1) I KNOW that Kuwa-chan's 15/16. I just didn't know how to change the words up to remedy that. So just bear with it, he's PLAYING a character who's in his 30s.

2) Assume the characters are in New York, and speak perfect English. Except for Yukina-chan, who still has a Japanese accent.

3) Yusuke and Kurama are playing the same characters they did last chapter. If I do more, all these characters will remain in their respective roles.

Now on to the fic!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Avenue Q. If I did, I wouldn't need to write this disclaimer, right?

BOTAN  
Morning, Kuwabara!

KUWABRA

Hi, Botan.

BOTAN  
How's life?

KUWABARA  
Disappointing!

BOTAN  
What's the matter?

KUWABARA  
The catering company  
laid me off.

BOTAN  
Oh, I'm sorry!

KUWABARA  
Me too! I mean, look at me!  
I'm ten years out of college, and I  
always thought -

BOTAN  
What?

KUWABARA  
No, it sounds stupid.

BOTAN  
Aww, come on!

KUWABARA  
:singing: When I was little  
I thought I would be...

BOTAN  
What?

KUWABARA  
A big comedian  
on late night TV  
But now I'm thirty-two  
And as you can see  
I'm not

BOTAN  
Nope!

KUWABARA  
Oh Well,  
It sucks to be me.  
BOTAN  
Nooo.

KUWABARA  
It sucks to be me.

BOTAN  
No!

KUWABARA  
It sucks to be broke  
and unemployed  
and turning thirty-three.  
It sucks to be me.

BOTAN  
Oh, you think your life sucks?

KUWABARA  
:speaking: I think so.

BOTAN  
Your problems aren't so bad!  
:singing: I'm kinda pretty  
And pretty damn smart.

KUWABARA  
You are.

BOTAN  
:speaking: Thanks!  
:singing: I like romantic things  
Like music and art.  
And as you know  
I have a gigantic heart  
So why don't I have  
A boyfriend?  
Fuck!  
It sucks to be me!

KUWABARA  
Me too.

BOTAN  
It sucks to be me.

KUWABARA  
It sucks to be me.  
It sucks to be Kuwa...

BOTAN  
And Bo-chan...

KUWABARA  
To not have a job!

BOTAN  
To not have a man!

BOTH  
It sucks to be me.

:Kurama and Yusuke enter, arguing:

KUWABARA  
:speaking: Hey, Kurama, Yusuke, can you  
settle something for us?  
Do you have a second?

KURAMA  
Ah, certainly.

BOTAN  
Whose life sucks more?  
Kuwabara's or mine?

YUSUKE AND KURAMA  
Ours!

KURAMA  
:singing: We live together.

YUSUKE  
:singing: We're as close  
As people can get.

KURAMA  
We've been the best  
of buddies...

YUSUKE  
Ever since the  
Day we met.

KURAMA  
So he knows lots  
Of ways to make me  
Really upset.  
Oh, every day is  
An aggravation.

YUSUKE  
Come on, that's  
an exaggeration!

KURAMA  
You leave your  
clothes out.  
You put your feet  
On my chair.

YUSUKE  
Oh yeah?  
You do such anal  
Things like ironing  
Your underwear.

KURAMA  
You make that very  
Small apartment  
We share a hell.

YUSUKE  
So do you,  
That's why I'm in hell too!

KURAMA  
It sucks to be me!

YUSUKE  
No, it sucks to be me!

BOTAN  
It sucks to be me!

KUWABARA  
It sucks to be me!

ALL  
Is there anybody here  
It doesn't suck to be?  
It sucks to be me!

YUKINA  
Why you all so happy?

YUSUKE  
Because our lives suck!

YUKINA  
Your lives suck?  
I hearing you correctly? Ha!  
:singing: I came to the Human World

For opportunities.  
Tried to work in  
Korean deli  
But I am Japanese.  
But with hard work  
I earn two Master's Degrees  
In social work!  
And now I a therapist!  
But I have no clients  
And I have an  
Unemployed fiance'!  
And we have lots  
Of bills to pay!  
It suck to be me!  
It suck to be me!  
I say it  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Suck!  
It suck to be me!

KOENMA  
Excuse me?

KUWABARA  
Hey there.

KOENMA  
Sorry to bother you, but I'm  
looking for a place to live.

YUKINA  
Why you looking all  
the way out here?

KOENMA  
Well, I started at Avenue A,  
but so far everything is out  
of my price range. But this  
neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!  
Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!

KUWABARA  
You need to talk to  
the superintendent.  
Let me get him.

KOENMA  
Great, thanks!

KUWABARA  
Yo, Hiei!

HIEI  
I'm coming! I'm coming!

KOENMA  
Oh my God!  
It's Hiei the Imiko!

HIEI  
Yes I am!  
:singing: I'm Jaganshi Hiei  
From a band of theives  
Used to live in the ice world  
Before I was forced to leave  
Now I'm stuck  
In Human World  
And I am real peeved  
But I'm here -  
The Superintendent!  
On Avenue Yu -

ALL  
It sucks to be you.

BOTAN  
You win!

ALL  
It sucks to be you.

KUWABARA  
I feel better now!

HIEI  
Try having people  
stopping you to ask you  
"Do you have a death wish?"  
:speaking: It gets old.

ALL  
It sucks to be you  
On Avenue Yu  
(Sucks to be me)  
On Avenue Yu  
(Sucks to be you)  
On Avenue Yu  
(Sucks to be us)  
But not when  
We're together.  
We're together  
Here on Avenue Yu!  
We live on Avenue Yu!  
Our friends do too!  
'Til our dreams  
Come true,  
We live on Avenue Yu!

KOENMA  
This is real life!

ALL  
We live on Avenue Yu!

YUSUKE  
You're gonna love it!

ALL  
We live on Avenue Yu!

HIEI  
Here's your keys!

ALL  
Welcome to Avenue Yu!

Relick: Well, there ya go! I think Hiei-chan WOULD win a "whose life sucks more" contest. Have you SEEN episodes 99 and 100? Oh my god… Leave a review and no flames please. Ferriswheel-chan may take them in stride, but I don't have the constitution…

Till next time!


	3. Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

Relick: Re-chan here again with another chapter of Welcome to Avenue Yu! I'm glad everyone's liking it so far! To me, it's the perfect fic because I'm mixing the two shows that I've been obsessing over for the last month. Yu Yu Hakusho and Avenue Q! Huzzah! Anyway, this chapter's based on the song, "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist." Remember, that this fic is being written solely for entertainment, and does not mirror my opinions. So please don't be offended if you feel that somrthing is offensive. The original play is a satire of real life, so the songs are as such. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I HAVE to keep reminding you? I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Avenue Q. But I do have 21 uncut DVDs of the former and a CD of the original Broadway cast of the latter.

/START/

KOENMA:  
Say, BOTAN, can I ask you a question?

BOTAN:  
Sure!

KOENMA:  
Well, you know Jorge upstairs?

BOTAN:  
Uh huh.

KOENMA:  
Well, he's from Spirit World, and you're from Spirit World

BOTAN:  
Right.

KOENMA:  
You're both from Spirit World.

BOTAN:  
Yeah.

KOENMA:  
Are you two somehow related?

BOTAN:  
How'd you get to _that_ conclusion! I find that racist!

KOENMA:  
Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

BOTAN:  
Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not everyone from Spirit World is related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?

KOENMA:  
No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.

BOTAN:  
I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.

KOENMA:  
Well, look who's talking!

BOTAN:  
What do you mean?

KOENMA:  
What about that special Demon School you told me about?

BOTAN:  
What about it?

KOENMA:

Could someone like me go there?

BOTAN:  
No, we don't want people like you-

KOENMA:  
You see!

(singing) You're a little bit racist.

BOTAN:  
(singing) Well, you're a little bit too.

KOENMA:  
I guess we're both a little bit racist.

BOTAN:  
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

KOENMA:  
But I guess it's true.

BOTAN:  
Between me and you,  
I think

Both:  
Everyone's a little bit racist  
Sometimes.  
Doesn't mean we go  
Around committing hate crimes.  
Look around and you will find  
No one's really colorblind.  
Maybe it's a fact  
We all should face  
Everyone makes judgments  
Based on race.

KOENMA:  
(speaking) Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from -

BOTAN:  
No!

KOENMA:  
No, just little judgments like thinking that foreign busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

BOTAN:  
Right!

Both:  
(singing) Everyone's a little bit racist  
Today.  
So, everyone's a little bit racist  
Okay!  
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth,  
But you laugh because  
They're based on truth.  
Don't take them as  
Personal attacks.  
Everyone enjoys them -  
So relax!

KOENMA:  
(speaking) All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

BOTAN:  
Okay!

KOENMA:  
There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute. And there's a Buddist monk, a Shinto priestess...

BOTAN:  
And a youkai!

HIEI:  
(angrily) What are you talking about, Botan?

BOTAN:  
Uh...

HIEI:  
You were telling a youkai joke!

KOENMA:  
Well, sure, Hiei, but lots of people tell youkai jokes.

HIEI:  
I don't.

KOENMA:  
Well, of course you don't - you're a youkai! But I bet you tell ningen jokes, right?

HIEI:  
Well, sure I do. Those stupid ningen!

KOENMA:  
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

HIEI:  
Well, damn, I guess you're right.

BOTAN:  
(singing) You're a little bit racist.

HIEI:  
(singing) Well, you're a little bit too.

KOENMA:  
(singing) We're all a little bit racist.

HIEI:  
I think that I would  
Have to agree with you.

KOENMA/BOTAN:  
We're glad you do.

HIEI:  
It's sad but true!  
Everyone's a little bit racist -

All right!

BOTAN:  
All right!

KOENMA:  
All right!

HIEI:  
All right!  
Bigotry has never been  
Exclusively white

All:  
If we all could just admit  
That we are racist a little bit,  
Even though we all know  
That it's wrong,  
Maybe it would help us  
Get along.

KOENMA:  
Oh, Kami-sama, do I feel good.

HIEI:  
Now there was a fine upstanding youkai!

KOENMA:  
Who?

HIEI:  
Kami-sama.

BOTAN:  
But, Hiei, Kami-sama was from Spirit World.

HIEI:  
No, Kami-sama was from Demon World.

BOTAN:  
No, Kami-sama was from Spirit World.

HIEI:  
No, I'm pretty sure that Kami-sama was from Demon World-

KOENMA:  
Guys, guys...Kami-sama is from Human World!

All:

(laugh really hard)

KUWABARA:  
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

HIEI:  
Racism!

KUWABARA:  
Cool.

YUKINA:  
KAZUMA! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!

KOENMA:  
What's that mean?

KUWABARA:  
Um, recyclables.

All except Kuwa:

(big laugh)

KUWABARA:  
Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?

BOTAN:  
Oh, come off it, Kuwabara!  
(singing) Everyone's a little bit racist.

KUWABARA:  
I'm not!

KOENMA:  
Oh no?

KUWABARA:  
Nope!

(singing) How many ice apparition wives  
Have you got?

YUKINA:  
What? Kazuma!

KOENMA:  
(singing) Kuwa, buddy, where you been?  
The term is Koorime ice demon!

YUKINA:  
(singing) I know you are no  
Intending to be  
But calling me apparition -  
Offensive to me!

KUWABARA:  
(speaking) I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

YUKINA:  
(speaking) And I love you.

KUWABARA:  
But you're racist, too.

YUKINA:  
Yes, I know.  
(singing) The Jews have all  
The money  
And the whites have all  
The power.  
And I'm always in taxicab  
With driver who no shower!

KOENMA:  
Me too!

BOTAN:  
Me too!

HIEI:  
I can't even get a taxi!

All:  
Everyone's a little bit racist  
It's true.  
But everyone is just about  
As racist as you!  
If we all could just admit  
That we are racist a little bit,  
And everyone stopped being  
So PC  
Maybe we could live in -  
Harmony!

YUKINA:  
Everyone's a little bit racisit!

/END/

Relick: There you have it! Chapter three of the fic. Special thanks to the reviewers!

Kurama: (whispers something to Relick)

Relick: Sorry, just reviewer. Only one.

Ferriswheel (otherwise known as Ferry-chan)- I'm glad you like it! I figured you did something special for me in your fic, so I should do the same!

Review and you might see your name in the credits!

Hiei: Don't get cocky though. It's _guaranteed_ she'll put your name in here…

Relick: Don't dampen their spirits like that Hiei-chan!

Hiei: Hn…


End file.
